its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
