Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
