i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
