Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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