She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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