You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You had me at "let me see your balls"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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