Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
