I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize