I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
