WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize