How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
