It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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