you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
