One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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