cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
