She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
