fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
