I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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