This is not my ceiling
it wasn't lemon gatorade
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
