Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
