i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
