I'm eating all of the evidence.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
