Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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