I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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