Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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