i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
