fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
