I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize