How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
