Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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