his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
