mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
