we made out on top of his cat.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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