When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
