Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize