pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
