I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I want to make a zoo with you.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize