I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
