I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
