if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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