Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
