its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
