I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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