I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think my vagina is haunted
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
