Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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