I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
