I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
