I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
