After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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