do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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