I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize