My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's official drugs can't kill me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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