You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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