I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
bring money and cleavage
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
