my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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