her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
