worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You peed on a flamingo?!?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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