Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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