i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Who died my cat blue again?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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