and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
