she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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