is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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