How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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