Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
