Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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