I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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