An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
