fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
