god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
