matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
