I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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