im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
