i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize