sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
