She is in my trunk
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
