The maid of honor just puked.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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