wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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