You're completely useless in the revolution.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
