you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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