Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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