stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
