I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
