u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
