You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize