I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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