so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
