she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
