Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
