Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
