I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
