Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
