You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
