Just fell off a train. Bad.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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