Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
