Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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