I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
