Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
