the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
