We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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