everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
