She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
