take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
