i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
