i just wanna soil my oats bro
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
