How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
