upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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