Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
