Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
