we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
